3 steps to being happier

Lian Brook-Tyler 3 years ago Happiness
3 steps to happiness

Being happier in three steps… it sounds ridiculously simple, right? But just by being aware of the fact that we FEEL what we THINK is a huge leap in the direction of rediscovering our inborn happiness.

I got it, I really got it. I’ve had moments of thoughts… why have I been wasting my time and energy on thoughts of my past or ‘What ifs?”

(You can see more on how this has transformed other people’s lives by checking out the Personal journeys in Resources.)

Are YOU ready to see how you’ve really been creating your experience of life?

1. Notice when you’re feeling an emotion 

When you feel the physical sensation of being stressed, angry, insecure or anxious, it’s your body trying to tell you that it feels pain, just in the same way as it would if you were holding your hand over a flame.  This is where we humans usually get things all messed up – we tend to think that painful feelings are a result of our circumstances or environment… when actually it is all just our thinking.

When you’re feeling painful emotions like stress or anger, your body is saying to you “Ouch! Your thinking is hurting me!”

Likewise, when you’re feeling excited, it’s not about what’s happening to you, it’s what you’re thinking about what’s happening… and it’s your body saying “Whoop whoop! I’m feeling excited about what you’re thinking about right now!”

2. Notice your thoughts

So NOTICE your thoughts. Notice the subject matter. And noticing is simply identifying what it is that you are thinking about.

It’s not trying to work out why you had them, judging your thoughts, analysing them or even trying to change them. All of that is not just unnecessary but is likely to lead to thoughts which will create more painful feelings.

If you were to start judging or analysing the content or negative tone of your thoughts – then that’s what you’d be thinking about. And thinking about that is likely to mean more painful feelings, maybe shame or disappointment in yourself. It would be a vicious circle.

And this is not about trying to change your thoughts to more positive ones. Trying to do that is  creating a duality of: this thought is Bad, I need to think Good thoughts. And when you don’t manage to think positively? You’d be likely to start thinking negative thoughts about that!

Your thoughts are all just Thought and that’s all you need to notice.

3. Notice that your feeling is being created by your thinking

See that the way you’re feeling is a DIRECT RESULT of what you’re thinking.

And you see that a different thought would cause an entirely different feeling? That’s true for every one of us in every moment in every situation.

The instant you stop to notice this, the original thought will lessen its effect on your feelings. Why? Because you’re seeing that it’s you who creates your feelings and you’re already thinking about something else – and actually something far more profound – the very nature of your psyche. Woah, right?!

Syd Banks who discovered the principles said:

“All you have to do is realise that it’s Thought. The second you realise that it’s Thought, you are touching the very essence of psychological experience. You’re back to the “now”, you are back to happiness. So don’t get caught up on a lot of details…” 

A quick recap on the 3 steps to being happier:

3 steps to be happy

And one last thing (this is a mind-blower!)

I haven’t asked you to DO anything other than notice…. but this is the paradox: you can’t make yourself notice this stuff because you can’t make yourself have particular thoughts (certainly not for long anyway).

You’ll either notice or you won’t, but now you’ve read this page, you’re more likely to start to notice your feelings are coming from your thoughts just because you’re now aware of what’s really going on!

Don’t forget to have fun. Oh and be kind to yourself! That’s a whole new reality you’re creating in every moment… that’s kind of big, right?

“So for me it’s been about opportunity, the silver lining – that moment in the car, shower, out for a run, whenever wherever that you smile and realise something’s happening and it’s Thought!”

Cool, huh?

I’d love to hear what you discover about the reality that YOUR thoughts are creating – please leave a comment below.

Lian xo

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Written by | Lian Brook-Tyler

Lian is a co-founder and the editor of Born Happy and a teacher at the revolutionary happiness course Happy School and the host of the weekly top 10 iTunes rated happiness podcast The Born Happy Show. Her mission is to share the principles behind our inborn happiness with the world – believing that this is our best chance of achieving a happier world! Lian lives with her husband, their two children, and a double helping of ginger goodness: their cat Beatle and their dog Lazslo. Her passions are baking, writing, hosting parties, making and drinking cocktails, and watching wonderful people wake up to a life without limits.


  1. Iwan karlsson

    August 5, 2014 at 3:39 pm

    You’re talking to my soul In it’s simpLicity.

    • Lian Brook-Tyler

      August 5, 2014 at 11:10 pm

      Thank you, Iwan. It is all so beautifully simple really :)

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