Everything you ever wanted to know your inborn happiness but were afraid to ask!

Here are some of the questions we get asked most often on Born Happy and in Happy School, coaching sessions and talks.

This is a tricky format in which to do justice to some of these questions but hopefully this will provide at least an overview and some helpful ideas as to how you can learn more.

Whilst we very much hope you’ll find something very helpful on Born Happy, please don’t consider the words here as any substitute for professional advice.

If you can’t see the question that you want to ask then please contact us and we’ll add an answer here as soon as we can.

Lian & Jonathan xo

Q: What on earth is this inborn happiness you’re talking about?
A: Have a look at the How to happy page and it should make things a lot clearer.

Q: But what do I DO now? Isn’t there a technique you can give me?
A: The bad news is that we’re afraid there isn’t but the good news is that… you don’t need one! This is like finally getting that instruction manual to your mind and to life as a whole. No technique is going to be as powerful as understanding how something really works.

As to what you can do now: We often find that it’s very helpful for people to notice the connection between their thoughts and feelings – have a look at 3 Steps To Rediscovering Your Inborn Happiness which is a helpful guide to starting to notice this connection.

Q: Is Born Happy talking about the same thing as the 3Ps/The Three Principles/Clarity/Health Realization/Psychology of Mind/Inside-out Revolution?
A: Yep! Part of what we teach in Happy School and share on Born Happy is based on the same principles which create the human experience. We also teach lots more about the nature of life.

Q: I keep getting mixed up between thoughts and feelings – how can I tell which is which?
A: The thought comes first and creates the sensation of the emotion (the feeling) somewhere in your body. e.g. You think that another driver has cut you up on the motorway [thought] and then you feel angry [feeling].

Often the thought goes unnoticed – you just notice the feeling it creates, which is why it’s so easy to think the feeling has come from circumstances rather than your thoughts about the circumstances. Using the example above, it’s very common to believe it’s the other driver who has made you feel angry, instead of the your thoughts about the other driver!

You’re only ever feeling the emotion that’s been created by your thought in that moment. Think something else and you’ll feel something else.

We go into more detail about this in 3 Steps To Rediscovering Your Inborn Happiness.

Q: I feel like I’m getting my head around this but I’m not feeling much different. What can I do now?
A: As the wonderful Michael Neill says “Stay in the conversation.”  and you’ll start to understand more about how you’re creating your experience of life through the principles – and that seems to make life feel a lot easier. And there’s lots of ways you can stay in the conversation, including:

  • Reading, listening and watching what’s happening here on Born Happy
  • Enroll in our revolutionary happiness course Happy School!
  • Go to a coaching sessions, group or a talk with someone who can share their understanding of with you
  • Immerse yourself in teachings through books and videos (there’s lots to choose from in Resources)
  • Go for a walk and soak up the miracle of nature – and realise that it’s the same awesomeness that’s creating our experience of life (that one blows my tiny mind over and over.)

Q: Is there a local group I could join?
A: One day we hope there will be a group in every area but right now, they’re dotted about a bit patchily. We will start creating a page for groups and contacts soon but for now, please contact us if you want to be put in touch with someone in your area and we’ll see what we can do.

Q: It seems like Born Happy is saying that this can work in so many different areas – weight loss, mental health, addiction, relationships – how’s that possible?
It’s possible because we create EVERY experience we have in the exact same way via our own thoughts. Once we begin to understand how we’re creating our experiences, we can also feel that beneath our thoughts there’s only ever inborn happiness.

Q: This seems a bit like NLP/CBT/meditation/mindfulness – how is this different?
A: There are similarities because our inborn happiness has been spoken about in various forms and philosophies for centuries, that means that techniques and practices have been created in line with this partial understanding. This is different because rather than a technique or practice, it is the most accessible and comprehensive explanation of how our minds work.

Q: I’ve tried so many different types of therapies in the past and nothing’s worked, why should I believe this could work where they’ve failed?
A: Based on our own experience of seeing what we teach provide people with relief from life-long depression, anxiety, stress and other issues where other techniques and therapies haven’t, we would encourage anyone to at least look into this. Whilst we can’t guarantee any results for you personally,  it’s worth knowing that this is just about understanding how we ALL work.

If you’re currently undergoing any form of treatment or therapy, it seems sensible to involve your doctor/health practitioner in any decisions you’re thinking of making around this.

Q: Why can people have such huge transformations so quickly? It doesn’t seem logical.
A: We know! From what we’ve experienced personally and how we’ve seen a huge changes happen in others so quickly, it seems that when we have a moment of insight, our minds can shift to an entirely new belief set, once that has happened, we will instinctively have thoughts (and therefore feelings) to serve us within that new belief set.

You could compare to a situation where a man believes his outdoor tap (faucet for some of you!) is broken so whenever he wants to water his vegetable plot he fills his watering can from his kitchen tap. One day, a friend points out that the outdoor tap was never broken, he was just trying to turn it the wrong way. From that moment on, whenever he wants to water his carrots, he attaches a hose to the outdoor tap, he knows how to turn it the right way, and he doesn’t ever have another thought about using the kitchen tap because it doesn’t make sense in his new belief set.

You see how a simple misunderstanding being cleared up has changed his thoughts in an instant?

It’s the same with understanding how our minds work. Once someone insightfully sees that they’re creating all experiences through their own thoughts, thoughts of anger about someone else or thinking about sad things in the past just don’t make much sense. If those kinds of thoughts come up at all then the person is likely to quickly see them for what they are – just thought.

That’s not to say everyone has a big ‘Hollywood transformation’ like that, many people find that they gradually understand all of this more and as they do so, life becomes easier.

Q: If this works so well, why isn’t it better known?
A: It is growing in popularity with many practitioners, therapists, coaches and psychologists moving from their previous methodologies to use this understanding instead. It has been used in various applications in the US for decades and it’s been spreading to the UK over the last few years.

We think there’s a couple of reasons that it’s taken as long as it has: It’s partly because it’s a bit different to everything currently available and people can be wary of something that seems new and partly because, there hasn’t previously been many ways of spreading the word about it en masse!

Q: It seems so simple! Why don’t we know this already?
A: We think on some level we do already know this – which is why for some of us it clicks so quickly and even for others who are struggling to understand it, they can still see something in this that makes sense to them.

We were born happy and then have spent years learning the incorrect belief that we work ‘outside-in’ (i.e. events happen and we have a reaction to them). The principles is about unlearning that belief so we can return to seeing that we work ‘inside-out’ (i.e. we simply feel our thinking)

Q: Isn’t this just repressing or ‘swallowing’ thoughts?
A: No, although we understand why it can appear that way. Most of our negative thoughts aren’t helpful to us in any way and ruminating on them is painful rather than productive.

A recent survey by the BBC came to the same conclusion: ‘…rumination is the biggest predictor of the most common mental health problems in the country.’ In other words, we feel what we think about.

Q: Isn’t this a bit weird, like a new age philosophy?
A: No, it isn’t although we appreciate it can seem weird initially! That’s just because this is different to how we’ve been taught our minds work.

We promise there’s nothing weird about this – no tie-dye, incense, or funny dances. :)

Q: Isn’t this just positive thinking?
A: No, we are NOT teaching trying to think positively, which is nigh on impossible to do intentionally for any length of time given the average person has random negative thoughts popping up all over the place.

It can look like positive thinking because once people understand their negative thoughts are just thoughts and see they have a choice to engage with them or not, those thoughts become less important and start to drop away – what we’re then left with is… positive thinking! Positive thought is a natural result of understanding how our minds work rather than a goal or a technique.

That’s all for now folks!

If you have a burning question which we haven’t answered above, then please contact us and we’ll add an answer as soon as we can.