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insecure

…plus 1 thing you know all too well!

By Lian Brook-Tyler

1. Firstly, you already know that feeling insecure absolutely sucks!

At best, it bitches away at you from the shadows…

“You’re not good enough to do that.”

It holds you back from doing the things in life that you really want to do or stops you enjoying the things you are doing.

“They’re all looking at you and thinking you’re crap!”

It messes up your relationships and stops you being your best at work.

“I wasn’t cut out for this.”

At worst, it spirals into anxiety, a crippling lack of self-worth and confidence, and life-sapping doubt and fear. Ugh.

You knew all that already, right? So here’s a few things you might not know…

2. Feeling insecure is down to your thoughts in that moment.

That sounds ridiculously simple, doesn’t it? Too simple to be true. But it is true. That’s the way our minds work: our thoughts create our feelings.

“You’re not insecure, Syd. You just think you are.”

These were the words spoken by a psychotherapist to a chap called Syd Banks, who founded the 3 Principles understanding. The statement, or how he heard it, sparked a life-changing shift from being… or rather, thinking he was… a negative, insecure person, to becoming someone who wasn’t just happy and confident, he also went on to inspire and help many thousands of people!

So next time you feel insecure, stop for a moment and notice that the feeling is simply being created by an insecure thought.

3. Insecure thoughts are not inherently true.

I know they appear, not only true, but super-realistic-3D-technicolour-true. But they’re not.

There’s so many different ways that each of us can think about anything. In fact we do! How often do you find yourself feeling differently about the same situation from day to day… or sometimes, moment to moment? And each of those thoughts is no more true than the last.

Next time you feel insecure and notice the insecure thought creating the feeling… ask yourself:

“Is this really and truly true?’

“Is this the only way it can be?”

“Do I sometimes think about this thing differently?”

“Might someone else think about this differently?”

“What’s the inverse of this thought?”

You’ll notice that there’s not just this one way to think about anything and you’ll also notice that all sorts of other feelings are created by different thoughts.

4. Most insecure thoughts aren’t helping you.

Insecure thoughts are there to alert you to danger and therefore keep you alive and well. And back in the day, when we were spending far more of our time facing all kinds of life-threatening situations, our thoughts of fear and insecurity would have been helping us, in fact, they would have been keeping us alive.

But now, when the average person isn’t faced with many dangers of the ‘fight or flight’ kind. Most of the dangers that we get insecure about are self-obsessed ‘What if…?’s like this:

“What if I look stupid?”

“What if I f* ck up?”

“What if they hate me?”

And so it’s tempting to believe that they’re helping you to stay safe, stopping you making a fool of yourself, protecting you from getting hurt but… I’d bet that almost all of your insecure thoughts aren’t really helping you to live. In fact often quite the opposite, they often stopping you from really living… Closing you up, shutting down your connection to the world around and making you stay painfully focused on yourself. It’s a life, yes, but a pretty lonely and joyless one.

Next time you notice that you have an insecure thought, maybe you can ask yourself:

“Is this thought actually serving me? Is a tiger really about to eat me or if this just a ‘What if…?’ thought?”

You’ll almost always get some perspective on that insecure thought and when that happens… fresh thoughts and new feelings flow.

5. We can’t solve a problem that’s caused by our thinking.

Or as Einstein said “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”

When we’re stuck in a storm of insecure thought, all we’re usually able to do is throw on more insecure thinking. More thinking about the so-called problem, which was only a thought in the first place.

It’s rare that we’ll spot opportunities or come up with any great ideas when we’re obsessing over ourselves and our insecure thoughts. However when we understand that that’s all the ‘problem’ is, just an insecure thought, it often creates the space for the curiosity to ask questions like this:

“What’s possible?”

“How does this work?”

“What can I do?”

“Who can I help?”

“What can I learn?”

“What would be loving?”

“What would be fun?”

“What would be new?”

6. We don’t need to work on ourselves to make ourselves feel secure.

Our natural state is secure, happy, calm, curious, creative and generally feeling cool (and it’s only insecure thoughts that make it appear otherwise).

When we stop focusing on and obsessing over our insecure thoughts, we have the innate abilities to learn, connect and play. We can have incredible lives, doing amazing things… all very naturally.

Would you like to finally fall back to your natural state of happiness, with your head held high and your heart wide open?

Well, fabulous news… Right now, you can take the first amazing online class of our revolutionary happiness course, Happy School, absolutely FREE! This class blows insecure thoughts out of the shadows and into the light, where you can see them for exactly what they are.

Without those thoughts… how you would be? What would you do? Where would you go?

You can join the FREE class here. See you inside… 😊

FREE CLASS ON HOW TO BE HAPPYLove,
Lian
Xo

 

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Written by | Lian Brook-Tyler

Lian is a co-founder and the editor of Born Happy and a teacher at the revolutionary happiness course Happy School and the host of the weekly top 10 iTunes rated happiness podcast The Born Happy Show. Her mission is to share the principles behind our inborn happiness with the world – believing that this is our best chance of achieving a happier world! Lian lives with her husband, their two children, and a double helping of ginger goodness: their cat Beatle and their dog Lazslo. Her passions are baking, writing, hosting parties, making and drinking cocktails, and watching wonderful people wake up to a life without limits.

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