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letting-go-of-the-control
Written by Louise Storey

When I was a young child I remember a trip to the fair with my Grandma. I begged to go on a small children’s ride I’d seen. The ride consisted of a series of small cars on a track. I remember it so well, but the thing is I had no idea that the car would automatically stay on the track.

I remember the effort and concentration to make sure the car didn’t come off the tracks. I thought it was up to me to keep it straight and turn at the right time. I remember being really scared, waiting for it to just end, and I certainly never asked to go on again.

We are on the roller coaster of life

It reminded me how similar this story is to how we live most of our adult lives. We are on the roller-coaster of life, but don’t realise we don’t have to control every move. Then there’s also the realisation that we don’t have to control everyone else’s car too.

I remember giving up work and for a while I felt uneasy about the lack of stressful circumstances, so I started to create stress in my new lifestyle. It was almost as if I needed to feel that stressed feeling to feel ok, to be getting somewhere.

I was having to try really really hard to keep the roller-coaster car on the tracks. It’s only when we realise we’ve been reading the control panel of the roller-coaster wrong all these years, that our lives can become richer and more fulfilling.

Our feelings, only ever tell us about the flavour of thinking in the moment, they are never an indicator of what we are thinking about. When we believe our feelings are telling us about the person, the circumstance, the situation in our lives at that time, that causes a problem. We are handing over our happiness, sadness and everything in between to a world that we couldn’t ever possibly control.

That doesn’t mean do nothing, but to know we innocently create our own experience provides a safety net and hope that we have another option to feel differently in any moment.

Here’s another example:

Not feeling good enough

Ever since teenage years, I’ve always had this feeling of not being good enough. The feelings have come and gone in various forms over the years:

  • Not pretty or witty enough to be in the cool gang at school not good enough for that job or promotion at work
  • Not patient enough as a Mum
  • Not supportive enough as a wife
  • Not caring enough as a child
  • …and the list goes on.

It’s not as though I haven’t tried to be good enough, I tried hard, so hard to get it all right – school & college grades (well kind of), the clothes, the money, the partner, the job, the house, the children, the friends… but I still felt I wasn’t enough there was something missing, something wrong with me.

I thought I needed to control my life even more, got to work harder, faster then I’d feel ok. I then realised my body wasn’t designed to survive on adrenaline. My mental well-being was being well and truly tested.

The thing is, I then started to try to control other people’s roller-coasters too… The warning lights come on, on the dashboard of the roller-coaster: too fast, too hard!

Is there another option?

Well the manual suggests taking our foot off the accelerator. But we can’t possibly do that, nothing would get done, right? Or would it? This is exactly what we should do.

Taking our foot off eases the pressure, it allows us to slow down enough to get perspective, to replenish, to take a break from the to do lists, and the fast and urgent thoughts.

The challenges of life are like going up a steep part of the roller-coaster we need more power to get up there, but once we are over the hump, we can cruise for a while to enjoy the view and feel the thrill whilst replenishing our energy for the next part of the ride.

Energy keeps us moving as we go back down the slopes, it’s always there, we can rely on it, so we don’t have to push so hard any more. It will take care of us.

I’m very grateful I came across this understanding in my life. To now realise where my feelings come from. That my internal systems are innocently taking raw data from my senses, translating them into thought, then putting a “feelings” solution together to protect me the best they can. What I know as true now, is that I am already ok, I have everything I need to have a fulfilled and rich life, with a safety net that will catch me and help me up again when I forget.

It’s all quite amazing and fascinating really, the Power of Thought creating (comfortable or uncomfortable) feelings in any moment. To know how it works behind the scenes makes all the difference. That’s what brings a richer taste of life, to know what’s creating our experience at any moment, we can enjoy life without the stress of controlling it.

I’m so very grateful I found the manual in time to avoid a crash.

Want to try this at home?

Take an area of your life and try this out too.

Have you ever had moments when you are running an internal conversation or argument with someone in your head when they aren’t even there? The feelings you are experiencing in that moment feel so real, don’t they? If the person walks in the door in the next moment, how would you react? Are your feelings likely to continue to direct your tone of voice?

Pause, and realise that there is no conversation, it’s all made up in your head.

The positive or negative energy we’ve assigned to the subject of the conversation ends up determining our behaviour. Unless we truly realise that our feelings and thoughts are connected and that the feelings are innocently coming from our thought in the moment and nothing outside of us.

One last thought, what if there were no steep ups (challenges) on the rollercoaster? What if that was made up too?

Written by
Louise Storey

Louise Storey

Louise is mum to Jack and Sophie 5 and 7, and describes herself as the luckiest person, having waited 8 years to have her first child. Being a typical Mother was not to be as we will find out. Louise describes herself as a recovered stressaholic, coming across the 3Ps enabled her to experience a life beyond living in a constant feeling of stress and low moods. From a corporate world of budget, sales target and extensive travel pressures. Louise now enjoys still a busy but much more fulfilling and creative life, sharing the 3 Principles understanding. Louise is co-founder of Clearmind Academy which helps carers within education, social and healthcare organisations through the 3 principles understanding.

 

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Written by | Louise Storey

Louise is mum to Jack and Sophie 5 and 7, and describes herself as the luckiest person, having waited 8 years to have her first child. Being a typical Mother was not to be as we will find out. Louise describes herself as a recovered stressaholic, coming across the 3Ps enabled her to experience a life beyond living in a constant feeling of stress and low moods. From a corporate world of budget, sales target and extensive travel pressures. Louise now enjoys still a busy but much more fulfilling and creative life, sharing the 3 Principles understanding. Louise is co-founder of Clearmind Academy which helps carers within education, social and healthcare organisations through the 3 principles understanding.

1 Comment

  1. Melanie Sakowski

    March 12, 2017 at 11:48 am

    Thank you so much, Louise. This resonated big time!

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